My biggest life wish coming true…
For as long as I can remember I have been a lover of horses. They were the highlight first of our boring family walks on weekends and later the highlight of my week during my riding lessons. I manifested a variety of amazing horses I was allowed to care for during my teens but was encouraged/forced to not JUST do the horse thing but also play tennis — the family sport — and pursue my other hobbies such as piano lessons. In a nutshell, the result of this equalising parenting has left in me a deep, deep hatred for tennis to the point where I cannot actually play today because I get so angry — yes I could work on this but I have not found myself ready to let go of the anger yet ;) — and a tendency not to allow myself to truly go for what I truly love. Thus I did not really spend much time with horses between 2010 and 2020. A sad decade in that respect.
Until last year. Blessed Saint Corona made us cut short a trip to California and fly hastily back into Berlin before the borders closed. My natural reaction to this grounding was to finally listen to my heart over my husbands deferral and buy a Dachshund puppy. Coco joined our new family life in lockdown and I cannot even begin describe the joy I (and all of us) derive from my impulse on a daily basis. I had a profound moment of ‘WHY on earth did I not get a dog earlier, say, when I was a student?’ and began to introspect which other heart desires I had put on hold for no good reasons at all.
I realised instantly that bringing horses back into my life was the first and biggest item on that inner list I rediscovered. I used my main tool of manifestation as a first action step: my bathroom mirror. I wrote: ‘Soon, the horses are coming. And the unicorns.’ About a month later, my husband and I brainstormed places to go on a little holiday in Germany. We decided to visit a place where new friends from Berlin had just moved, which happened to be an estate, close to my husband’s hunting grounds, which bred horses and offered riding experiences for the entire family. We had an amazing time and this week in July was when I was first introduced to Demorada.
The interesting thing about this is that before we left for the holiday, a vision of a dun-coloured horse appeared before my inner eye. When I was given Demorada to ride, a horse who did not always get ridden by tourists, we played polocrosse with her, and hacked, I was stunned. At our second visit, Demorada was still on a field further away and I was given another horse to ride. I could feel my disappointment. Just ‘out of interest’, I started asking about how much the horses cost. In September 2020, I just bought Demorada. The motivation for this decision was 100% from the heart and freaked out both my conscious and subconscious mind. This is something that often comes hand in hand with our biggest impulses: a period of adjustment. I manifested six months where I could not really spend any time with MY horse, first because we got stuck in Portugal with Corona in quarantine (a really lovely time), and when I got home I pretty much got pregnant straight-away and vomited and slept for the next four months. By the time I was getting more stable, I realised I urgently needed to find A stable for the four-legged lady I was missing so much. That I had bought a horse but was STILL continuing to keep myself from enjoying her. Sabotaging my joy. Out of fear, or whatever the bulk of emotions and programming was that hovered below the surface. In this case, I did not even do a specific healing. I just came to the point where the realisation of what was going on was enough for all of this to shift. My next task now that Demorada is happily integrated in her new herd 30 mins outside Berlin, across a hill from my friend’s new home, is to also integrate horse time into my schedule. Block it off. Make sure I am allowing myself this horse sanctuary time. In the forest. Walking or jogging with Demorada and Coco. Allowing myself MY happiness and MY freedom.
